these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
