When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
