with your own penis?
Tell her she can't have a vagina
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
