OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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