I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Randomize
