Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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