Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
