god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
