i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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