sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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