things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
