Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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