i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
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