Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
