sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
