mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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