That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
i think i just lost a toe
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
