Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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