why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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