I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
