She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
