so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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