I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
