I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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