I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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