think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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