Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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