Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
