living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
