So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
