I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
