I just pynch a tree in the face
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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