did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
