Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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