her vagine was all disorganized.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
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