Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
