dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
