I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Randomize
