The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
