He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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