I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
