I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Randomize
