just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
