I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
