I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
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