Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
