OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize