Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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