I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
