Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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