thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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