I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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