Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
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