I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Dick very happy bro
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize