too bad you live with your parents still
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
