So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
You pole danced in your parka.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
