If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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