Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
