..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize