I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
