if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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