I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
