booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Randomize
