i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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