On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I cut my penus on the lid.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
