he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
